Ever been into a gym and seen a few folks that just seem to get on your nerves? I know I sure have! From guys who leave their sweat all of over equipment to girls who use the gym mirrors to put on their makeup, I’ve seen my fair share of interesting characters in the weight room. Here’s my list of the top 5 worst gymgoers.
The Stinker
Alright man, we know that you’re okay with buying and using low-quality, sketchy, overseas protein powders because you aren’t spending any money towards addressing your egregious digestive problems, but COME ON. We all see you, cautiously walking from one end of the gym to the other, measuring out the amount of gas that you release as you go, effectively crop-dusting the rest of us innocent people with your farts. You think that nobody knows it’s you. Wrong! We know it’s you because you always have a sneaky fart look on your face and bring your sketchy protein powder into the gym. There’s also the fact that we can all see a trail of gasping gym members keeling over in your wake. There are three recommendations that we have for you, stinker. Either stay home, fart yourself dry in the car before you come in, or switch to a higher quality protein powder like the rest of us. If you are able to identify yourself as a stinker, fear not. Email me at shomo@shomoshotime.com, and I would be more than happy to give you some protein recommendations!
The Bench Hog
I’m not sure why you are reading the Wall Street Journal in-between sets on the bench at the gym. Do you also do concentration curls while you poop at home? I guess both of these activities would save you some time. I guess it must make sense in some weird, twisted way…. Or not. Bench hog, if you devoted your time towards your actual workout and didn’t goof off with extraneous, unrelated activities between sets, I’m sure that you would have much more effective and efficient workouts. That’s the real key to making gains! Besides, there are likely 10 other folks at the gym that would like to use that bench for working out, and they would be able to use it if you weren’t so busy using it as a Barcalounger.
The Constant Selfie Taker
I’m not going to go too far into depth with this one because it’s so damn obvious. Every gym has that person who takes a picture of themselves after every damn set; why?!?! Listen, unless you are about to video tape someone attempting a world record squat, deadlift, or bench, have a legitimate purpose behind taking your picture other than to prove to the world that you do, in fact, work out, or are waiting to hear from the hospital that they have found your kidney donor, please keep the camera use to a minimum. Thank you!
The Dumbbell Rack Hog
Listen, you can’t just grab a pair of dumbbells off of the rack and start doing your dumbbell curls right there. You’re blocking me and about a dozen other frustrated lifters from grabbing any of the weights that are around you. At least have the courtesy to back up a few feet! Are you really going to tell me that I need to wait for you to finish your dumbbell workout before I can use any of the dumbbells that you aren’t using? What kind of a cruel world did you grow up in?! Please, back away from the rack once you have grabbed the weights that you want to use for your exercise.
The Overly Hydrated Person
So let me get this straight. You’re going to monopolize the drinking fountain for twenty minute intervals of time, filling up your neoprene water battle that’s three times the size of a beer keg because you don’t want to make side trips to the drinking fountain as you get thirsty during your workout? Forget about the fact that we are all drier than Clint Eastwood’s prostate and starting to feel woozy from dehydration. If we were in Egypt and the rest of us were waiting to water our camels, we’d draw straws to see who would have the honor of throwing a stone at you! Please, if you bring a water bottle to the gym floor, please make sure it is of a “normal” size.
Have any additions to this list? If so, feel free to shoot me a message!